The Idiot Couple
by Cacoethic
Summary: Sometimes it really is that simple. AU / Rated M for lemon and swearing.
I knew the rules. So when I woke up next to Shikamaru that morning I immediately recoiled at what I'd done. What we'd done. He was still asleep next to me as I quickly (but quietly) gathered up my things, tears pricking at the corners of my eyes.

Fuck. I pulled the skimpy dress from last night over my head. I'm an idiot. Grabbed my earrings off of his nightstand. Fuck. My mind raced as I gave Shikamaru's room, and his body, one last look-over before bolting out of his house. It was early enough that I didn't have to worry about running into his parents; the thought comforted me as I pulled on my shoes, thrown haphazardly near the front door. I was already gone when I realized they were on a trip anyway. Of course they were, otherwise we wouldn't have been able to do the deed.

You don't sleep with Shikamaru. He was notorious at our university for "humping and dumping": a crass way of saying that after you had sex, your relationship with him was over. As his childhood friend, I vehemently denied these rumours whenever they came up in conversation. But when I asked him directly, he actually confirmed it.

"I tell them up front," he explained in his usual exasperated tone. "It's too messy if we try to stay together after they fall in love."

"What if you fall in love with them?" I retorted back huffily. I felt sorry for every girl who'd ever fallen in love with Shikamaru, including myself. I'd already given up on ever being with him, and was waiting for another guy to sweep me off my feet and make me forget about that insensitive idiot. But so far no one spectacular had appeared, despite my constant efforts. Shikamaru chuckled in response.

"There's no way," he was shaking his head at me, like you would at a dumb kid. "You know I'm not like that." I did know. I knew painfully well that Shikamaru didn't "do" love. Not from my own experience really (I'd never actually told him how I felt), but from watching his relationships begin and end without a fuss. If you asked Shikamaru on a date, he'd say yes; so long as it wasn't too difficult. Girls seemed to like the cold genius type: I had seen many a classmate fall hard for my childhood friend. Despite the fact that he was lazy and not incredibly attractive, he never hurt for girlfriends.

I guess you could say the same about me. I like men, I like sex, and I certainly don't like being alone. I walked quickly from Shikamaru's house to the apartment I'd begged my parents to let me rent, which just so happened to be a block away from his house. It wasn't like I spent a lot of time at his house, or that I particularly wanted to be near him at all times. It just felt comfortable. As I walked, the sun just barely rising now, I wondered who had longer lasting relationships: Shikamaru or myself. While it's not my style to leave a guy hanging after we have sex for the first time (unless they're exceptionally selfish in bed), I did tend to cycle quickly through boyfriends. Sakura insisted my standards were too high, or that I was just looking for excuses to dump my current flame. Maybe she was right.

Climbing up the stairs to reach my second-floor apartment, I fished around in my bag for the keys. It was already starting to be a warm day and although I was scantily-clad, I still ached for the cold of my new air conditioner. I opened the door and was greeted by a blast of cold air. Home sweet home. Alone.

I knew I had fucked up bad. I made myself some fried eggs and sat down in the small kitchen, at the table for two. I had fucked up astronomically, in fact. My mind had lagged to a start as I'd gotten dressed and walked home, but it was working in overdrive now. Shikamaru might never speak to me again. He probably wouldn't want to, at least. I had, after all, taken advantage of him.

After a night out with friends, I didn't have a hangover. I had only had about two drinks when he approached me, obviously plastered. We were good friends, so nobody suspected a thing when we announced we'd be leaving together. I wasn't sure at first what I would do. I had a good buzz going; my body felt warm and cozy. It felt amazing to be walking home with Shikamaru, to pass my house and still be walking with him. We didn't talk on the way home, but I finally worked up the courage to take his hand in mine. He was so drunk that he ended up leaning on me for support. Together we made it in his front door, rather early for a night out. He reassured me, with a fairly drunken slur, that his parents were out of town and wouldn't be bothering us.

It finally clicked then, what we were about to do. I was practically sober at this point, and the anxiety of what was about to happen had my brain working at full capacity. He leaned against me as I half-pulled, half-followed him up the stairs to his bedroom. I'd been here before, when we were younger. We had hung out a few times in his room back before either of us had gone through puberty. Once we started middle school it wasn't okay for a girl to visit a boy's house anymore, so we met at the park or played in my backyard. His room hadn't changed much: back then, he'd had no decorations on his white walls. Now his walls were just as bare but had been painted a dark blue, making the room seem darker as I struggled to find the light switch in the moonlight.

"Don't," Shikamaru commanded me. His voice came out crystal clear, shocking me for a moment. "'s toomuch uva bother," he carried on slurring, as if his moment of sobriety was a figment of my imagination. It must've been. Although I knew he couldn't see me, I nodded in agreement. We made our way to his bed. It wasn't very big: we landed clumsily, me underneath him. The window behind his bed illuminated his face and I could see how intense his expression was. He looked down at me hungrily. I knew that I, as the sole sober party, should stop this. I knew in the back of my head that this would make neither of us happy. I lifted my head up to tell him this, but he caught my lips in a kiss as I rose up.

I was unsure if he had misread my actions or not, but we were now past the point of return. All that was left was to enjoy this thing before it had to end. He leaned back and sat down on the bed, removing his shirt. He looked at me expectantly, and I slid out of my dress a little too eagerly. A smile flitted across his lips before disappearing quickly. I leaned over to him and started undoing the button on his shorts. Once it was undone, they slid off easily. His boxers followed.

He wasn't hard, which seemed to embarrass him. I've done it with a drunk boyfriend on more than one occasion, so I didn't blame him. It would be unfortunate if we couldn't even fuck after I'd already ruined everything by kissing him. I had to try my best. I put his dick in my hand and started to kiss him. I could feel a twitch in his cock, so I kept going. He grew big enough for me to stroke him, so I did. Once he was big enough to put in my mouth, I leaned down.

"Wait," he gasped in surprise. "You don't have to-" he cut himself off, eliciting a soft moan. Blowjobs were something of a specialty of mine. I worked up and down, using my tongue and lips to caress the tip while forming tight suction around the base of his cock. He started to lie down, breathing heavily. "I'm going to… you have to stop, Ino," he said my name firmly, practically scolding me. I stopped. He was right, though: it was too much to expect a drunk man to cum twice in one night. He'd probably pass out as soon as he finished. I needed my share of the fun too.

We switched positions. He was looming over me again, my head resting on his pillow. The whole room smelled so strongly of Shikamaru. Everything felt amazing. He leaned his head down and pressed his lips again my clitoris.

"Woah!" he exclaimed. "You're already wet," he seemed bewildered. It was my turn to feel embarrassed. Of course I would be way more excited about this than he was. To him, I was just a convenient lay. To me, he was the boy I'd been chasing after for as long as I could remember. I nodded shyly.

"Don't worry about foreplay," I reassured him. "Just, put it in me," this came out less like a command and more like a plea. He looked conflicted for a split second before he pushed inside. As soon as he entered me, I let out a loud gasp. He froze in his tracks, worried he'd somehow hurt me. It's not that he was exceptionally large or wide; I just hadn't let anything get this close to me (but my fingers) for quite a while. "Just be slow for a minute," I asked. He nodded.

"Tell me if you want to stop," Shikamaru told me seriously. I caught myself before I said "I won't" out loud. He was slowly exiting and re-entering me now. I could feel my mind starting to grow numb. My legs, which had been haphazardly spread apart initially, were now being gripped firmly and held in the air. It felt dirty. It felt wrong. It felt amazing.

Although he'd been testing the waters at first, I'm sure Shikamaru could feel me relaxing under him now. But he didn't attempt to increase the pace. He slowly went in and out, each thrust seeming to last a full minute. I grew impatient. I needed more.

"You can… go faster," I told him breathlessly. He smirked, the way he does when he beats our old teacher Asuma at Shogi. That was all it took for him to speed up. We developed a rhythm, although he did most of the work. I was bouncing up and down from the force of his thrusts, and furiously rubbing my clit in the hopes of getting off before he finished and fell asleep. He leaned down, still thrusting deep inside of me, and captured my lips with his. This kiss was more desperate, more open, more honest than the others. I moved my free hand up to touch his cheek. He broke the kiss and leaned back, thrusting into me even harder than before. I could sense his climax was approaching, and welcomed the feeling of my own.

"Oh fuck," he whispered sharply before abruptly pulling out and finishing himself off onto my stomach. He stood there for a moment, cum still leaking onto me, before springing into action. Looking around the room wildly, he located some tissues and began to wipe me off. "Sorry about that," I couldn't see his face but he sounded more amused than sorry. "You didn't… finish, did you?"

"It's ok!" I replied quickly. Unsure how convincing this was, I continued "I don't need to." Shikamaru put his boxers back on and threw the tissues in a trashcan near his door. He wasn't talking, but I could tell he was upset. Not sure what to do, I laid still in bed as he crawled in next to me. His bed was pushed right up next to the wall, so he sandwiched himself in-between me and the wall. Without speaking, he tilted his head down to mine and started to kiss me once more, his tongue exploring the inside of my mouth. His right hand snaked down to my crotch: his fingers found my clit first, sending an electric shock up my spine.

"Is it okay if I do this?" he asked quietly, his mouth right next to my ear. I nodded and moved my own hand to my clit as he gently moved two fingers in and out of me. Before he got into much of a rhythm, he added a third. He started kissing me again, his fingers ramming in and out of me in just the right way. My lower half began moving, trying to suck his fingers deeper inside of me. I could feel his smile against my lips as the orgasm welled up inside of me. My eyes rolled back into my head and I was shaking with pleasure beside him. He kept his fingers moving in and out of me until my shaking subsided. I hadn't expected him to finish me off, at least not with so much vigor. It felt like he really wanted me to cum, like he really cared about me. Easily the best drunk sex I ever had, though I couldn't really qualify as drunk now.

We went to the bathroom together: I had to pee and he obviously had to wash his hands. We didn't turn on the light in the bathroom; we'd both been there enough to use it in the dark. When we got back to his bedroom, he threw himself down onto the bed and fell asleep pretty quickly. He wasn't snoring, but his breaths were heavy and slow. I slid into his bed, too small for us to lie down side by side, and wrapped my arms around his waist. I was completely sober at this point, and the light from the moon was shining so brightly into the room. Nevertheless I fell asleep easily beside Shikamaru, whose breathing never changed throughout the night: soft and slow, like white noise.

The shrill ringing of my cell phone brought me back to reality. Thirty minutes had passed since I had made these eggs, but I hadn't taken a bite. My phone screen read "SHIKAMARU" and I felt my heart drop into my stomach. I wasn't ready to confront this yet. I didn't pick up. I threw my eggs out and took a shower.

Since the night before was a Friday, I had two days to prepare for my re-entry to the real world. I made sure to scrub every inch of my body, though I didn't feel particularly dirty. I could still remember all the places he'd touched me, and how he'd gone above and beyond any one night stand. When I exited the shower, I checked my phone to see 2 more missed calls from Shikamaru. No voicemails. He normally didn't bother with calling, or with voicemails. I was somewhat alarmed: maybe someone had broken in because I didn't lock the door behind me and Shikamaru was on the floor dying? Unlikely. But it made me panic a little bit.

At least until someone started knocking on my door. Lightly at first, then more urgently. I knew who it was before I answered it, but I couldn't leave him outside. He'd wake my neighbours up if he kept knocking.

"It's 7 AM!" I whispered angrily as I opened the door. Shikamaru was wearing a white tank-top and the same shorts as last night. I had thrown on a similar outfit, prepared to spend the day lounging around my house mourning the death of a lifelong friendship. He pushed past me without speaking, then shut the door delicately behind himself. I couldn't read his expression; I wondered idly if he could read mine. Before I realized what was happening, he had grabbed both of my hands.

"I'm sorry," he apologized abruptly. He looked up at me and, seeing the bewilderment on my face, continued speaking. "I know you're probably furious with me right now," his voice grew quieter. "But I had a really good time last night. If you didn't, I'm sorry."

"I did," I answered immediately, without thinking. He grinned.

"Ino, I…" he looked down at the ground sheepishly. It didn't really seem like he was breaking up with me, which was reasonable given that we'd never dated. Regardless, the tone was all wrong. He seemed giddy, like he was holding a secret back from me. And he was. "I know you weren't drunk last night."

"No way!" he put his hand over my mouth to quiet me down. Although I'd just curtly reminded him it was 7 AM, his declaration had caused me to forget. "If you knew I wasn't, then why would you…" I trailed off, but he didn't interrupt me to fill in the silence. Instead, he took my hand again and pulled me to the couch.

"I love you," he stated plainly. His delivery made the words I'd been aching to hear almost disappointing and overwhelmingly confusing. Before I could demand an explanation he carried on speaking. "I wasn't drunk either. Well, not a lot," he grinned again. For someone usually so calculating and disinterested, he sure seemed to be having fun. "I knew we weren't being honest with each other. Why do you think I don't fall in love with the women I sleep with? Because I love you," he explained calmly. It didn't take long for me to realize the same patterns I saw in my dating history were present in his. Meet, date, grow bored of, dispose. Repeat.

"Are you sure?" my voice faltered, betraying my insecurities more than the question ever could. It was all happening way too fast for me: an hour ago I was certain he'd be throwing me away anytime soon. Now I felt angry we hadn't had this conversation years ago. We're both idiots.

"Yes!" Shikamaru spoke passionately for the first time since the previous night. "We already know our lifestyles are compatible; you're the only woman who's stuck around me for this long, other than my mother. And now we know our bodies are compatible too," he added with a smirk. I flushed red. He had a point.

"Fine," I huffed, regaining my composure and my attitude. "I guess I'll go out with you!" The presumptuous attitude was lost entirely on Shikamaru, who pulled me into a massive bear hug. I guess he had already known what he was getting into.

"Since we've finished this up, can you do me a big favour? My mom asked me to clean up the house before they get back tonight, and I'm not really good with that sort of thing," Shikamaru explained. I rolled my eyes: I had known what I was getting into, too.


End file.
